It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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