girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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