highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
