Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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