so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
