dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
