I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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