i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
