you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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