If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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