he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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