no you cant smoke seaweed
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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