I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
