No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
