i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
