My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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