He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
