yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
