it's like iHOP with fire
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
