i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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