Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
