I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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