Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
