I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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