i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize