i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
