I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
