Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
