why didn't you poke me back
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
