She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
