drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
