He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
