Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize