So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
