Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't turn off my feet"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This toilet bowl is my home.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
