erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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