i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize