My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
her vagine was all disorganized.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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