Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
