She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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