Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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