No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
