a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
