How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize