The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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