Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Never underestimate the power of titties
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