morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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