I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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