Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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