he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am naked and annoyed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
PANTIES FOUND
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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