i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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