my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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