She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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