I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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