If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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