so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
