Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
