Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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