So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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