Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
