C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
