Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
