you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
