mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its about making memories worth repressing
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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