I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
