im six kinds of drunk right now
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
