I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize