i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize